Retrace

Anberlin has always been mine and Kyle's favorite band since highschool. We recently got to see them in concert at the state theatre in St. Pete. It was amazing and simply perfect! It caused me to go back and listen to some of their past albums. I came across this song last night that I hadn't heard in very long time...and when I heard it, it immediately reminded me of the fall of 2008. Kyle and I had actually broken up at the end of this summer and it was certainly a difficult time for the both of us. (Maybe ill tell that story in detail here someday...it's not one of my favorites, but it is a part of Our story...and without it we wouldn't be who we are today.) When Kyle and I had gotten back together, I remember he had shared with me that he had listened to that song often during our time apart. He said it encompassed all that he was feeling during that time. As you can imagine, my heart just about exploded.

And this is why I love music. A song can ring true with every thing inside of you, just like this song did with Kyle. Songs live alongside memories, good and bad. And I love that sweet moment when you hear a song and it takes you right back to a moment in time you don't want to forget. 

Thankfully, this song did not mark the end of our story. If it did, I'd probably hate Anberlin to pieces and would send this song to it's grave where the songs of Britney spears and backstreet boys lie. :)

"Retrace" - Anberlin

Oh how I've tried to get you out of my head

And I lied, the broken words I said

Never thought I'd walk on this street again

Standing where it all began

And I tried to forget

When I left this town

But it takes me right back

When I come back around

Retrace the steps we took on that lost summer night

I'm back there by your side

Retrace the steps we took when we met,

Worlds away, counting backwards while the stars are falling

Oh now I find, every subtle thing screams your name

It reminds me of places and times we shared

Couldn't live locked in these memories

Now I'm chained to my thoughts again

And I tried to forget

When I left this town

But I'll take you right back

If you come back around

Retrace the steps we took on that lost summer night

I'm back there by your side

Retrace the steps we took when we met,

Worlds away, counting backwards while the stars are falling

I need some shelter, I need some safety

Photographs, they haunt me lately

Chasing shadows as the evening takes me

I'm still searching, but the picture's fading

And nowhere else has ever felt like home

And I can't fall asleep when I'm lying here alone

I replay your voice, it's like you're here

You moved the earth, but now the sky is falling

Retrace the steps we took on that lost summer night

In my mind I'm back by your side

Retrace the steps we took when we met,

Worlds away, counting backwards while the stars are falling

An ordinary Tuesday evening

The sound of gentle folky music is drifting through our apartment at this moment. This ordinary moment of time. Kyle is on the floor reading his book (for some reason he finds that comfortable...). I'm sitting in "my spot" on the couch flicking through old Facebook posts and pondering on the beautiful twists and turns that life has taken me. Taken us. As I sit here on what most would consider an extremely boring evening, I am overwhelmed with contentment. And that's a good place to be. I've been gazing at our living room and at all the random pieces of garage sale/thrift store/gifted/up-cycled furniture that all just happens to work together so beautifully to make the coziest little home for the two of us. I have loved creating a home with Kyle over these past four years. I love the life that we are building together. There is no one else in this world that I'd want to do this life thing with. I love that I can sit in the calmness of this evening, stare at my sweet husband, and simply by his presence be assured of the love he has for me. I love these ordinary evenings where I am reminded of how extraordinary my life really is. 

For me

It's been a while, little blog. Four months!! I was feeling nostalgic the other day and decided to read some of my old blog posts. My, how much time changes your perspective on things. And my, how beautiful it is to see where life has brought me. I had a different blog before this one...and then I decided to switch to blogger one day...but I've actually been blogging on and off since 2005. Blogging really started out as a social media thing. It was before we had facebook, twitter, instagram, pinterest, and all that jazz. For me, blogging started around the time that people were using instant messaging. (There's a little Throw back Thursday for ya!!) Your blog was a place to write about everything you did in a day or a weekend. It was all pointless really, but it was a way to connect with friends and share with the World Wide Web of the awesome piece of pizza you just ate and that you were about to take a shower. haha! Oh, and there were always these surveys that people would post that had all these random "about me" questions. I did so many of those...(learned later in life that those are often used by horrible people who like to steal identities. Which reminds me...I have some deleting to do...)

As I read through some of my old posts...and some semi-recent...I saw how much of my heart has been spilled all over these digital pages. I guess Intricacies of the Heart has always been a perfect name for this blog. While you can't always visibly tell, I truly feel things so deeply, at the core of my being, whether good, bad, happy, or sad.  I guess that isn't really a surprise to me...but as I was reading various entries, it was almost embarrassing to read some of the stuff I posted. Especially during this one season of life when I was working through an annoying yet legitimately hurtful experience - one that I drew out much longer than necessary. But that's just me. It takes me a while to deal with stuff. And that's ok.

Growing up as the youngest has certainly played a part in how I tick. Ever since I was little, I've always wanted my voice to be heard (but sometimes felt like no one wanted to listen or cared). I wanted my opinions to matter. I wanted people to care about the things I cared about. For the record, I haven't been wounded for life or anything - I had an awesome childhood and even more awesome siblings! This has just helped me understand myself a bit better. And I think that's why I've always written about how I'm feeling or what I'm going through. Because I felt like someone was bound to read it - and thus I would be heard. And writing always helped me make sense of what I was going through - I felt better when I could put my emotions on a page.  

So many times I've told myself that this blog needed more of a purpose. A blog based on a theme - like cooking or pinterest projects...something other than all the personal stuff in my life. Because who really wants to read that? But after reading all my old silly posts, I realized that this blog was always a place to share my heart and my life, and it simply needs to stay that way. Maybe one day I'll have a more themed blog about renovating my house and maybe get paid for it at the same time... (haha! JUST KIDDING - I could never do that...and I really do love Young House Love btw)

So my goal for this blog is for it to simply remain a place where I can express what's in my heart and share all the different facets and experiences of my life - even if it is about something as silly as food! If someone somewhere benefits from it or enjoys it, then that makes me happy...but this blog is really for me. An expression of Leigh Anna Mullett in word format - and I look forward to reading it 10-20 years from now...that is if the internet is still around then...haha who am I kidding! 

x x