Mistakes

Today as I was walking home from work, I contemplated about an aspect of my personality. It's not that abnormal, but I absolutely hate it when I make a mistake. It doesn't matter if its a tiny little goof up or a big one, I always feel so bad and embarrassed internally when I do something wrong.

No, I didn't have strict, demanding parents growing up. In fact I have the most amazing parents in the world if I do say so myself. So it's not like my home life made me that way. I simply don't know why it bothers me so much when I make mistakes.

 If you're wondering...I made a mistake at work today. Most mistakes are easily fixable and this one was. However, A small part of me tends to carry around this feeling of "I can't believe I did that" "i feel like an idiot" etc. long after things are corrected. And I often have a hard time of just letting it go and forgetting about it.

I'm just trying to figure out at what point in my life did I begin caring so much about trying to never mess up. And when I do mess up, when did i start really worrying about what people might think of me? Is this just something that is ingrained in my DNA? I don't really know how long I've been this way. So strange I tell ya.
I haven't a clue.

This is not the first time I've realized this about myself. I think it's good that I at least recognize it, so I can grow from it. My husband has been really good with helping me gain perspective in situations like these, and I am so thankful for his wisdom and gentle love and patience towards me. I don't really know why I chose to write about this. It is kind of weird and personal, and I don't really have any spiritual lesson or words of wisdom to go along with this. Maybe because I just don't know exactly what I am to learn from this yet.