For Kyle

I love it when:

1. You stop by my office to see me throughout the day, even if it is only for 30 seconds
2. You put toothpaste on my toothbrush for me
3. You wash the dishes, do laundry, and clean up around the house
4. You randomly try to pinpoint where my belly button is 

5. You wake up with me in the mornings, even on days you don't have to be anywhere that early
6. You start doing that ridiculous thing you call rapping - the sound of it really does annoy me though. ;-)

7. You stop whatever it is you're doing to give me a hug and kiss when I come home for my break, or from work, or anytime you see me really.
8. You bring pretzel snacks to bed in your pockets - however, the time you made a whole ham sandwich takes the cake.
9. You beat me in UNO. Everytime.
10. You wear your "Green" outfit
11. You pray with me every night before going to bed - especially the times you pray for Noel cause you know how much that means to me.
12. You try and make the price of filling up our tank end up on $0.53 - my favorite number.
13. You talk to me in Cal Lightmans voice, love.
14. You get donuts from Fitch's for us on Saturday mornings
15. You handle and cook the chicken for me cause I don't like touching or cooking it.
16. You open doors for me and walk closest to the roadside - you have always been a proper gentleman
17. You watch Shaun the Sheep with me - meeehhhhhhhhh!
18. You let me take a bite of whatever you are eating.
19. You play Temple run. It's super cute at how proud you get of your new high scores.
20. You tell me I'm beautiful, so beautiful to you - even when I don't always accept it from you or believe it for myself.
21. You call me all kinds of silly names - i.e. goobersnatch, chinchburg, chewytooth etc.

I just love it when you are the love of my life - which, thankfully, is Always and Forever. 

I love everything about you, Kyle Daniel.

<3 - Your Laila Mae

The only thing I have

It's hard to carry a burden in your heart for people you cannot reach.

But When prayer becomes the only thing you have, The only means you have, You can't help but realize it's power and significance in the lives of those you are praying for.

We as Christians have the beautiful gift and freedom of being able to boldly approach our great High Priest at the throne of grace when we are in need (and even when we aren't!)...but how often are we bringing the needs of others before him? How often are we bringing their deepest need of salvation before the Savior?

If we have this freedom, should we not extend it on behalf of others who don't yet know it for themselves? 

When we intercede - pray intently for those who need Jesus - I believe our faith moves mountains, that the eye could never see, in a calloused, broken, lost, and seemingly hopeless heart.

An interceding prayer of faith so terrifies the Enemy, making him shudder and cower in fear when the name and blood of Jesus is claimed and proclaimed over a beloved soul who he thought would always be within his grasp...



I truly believe intentional, intercessory prayer is a catalyst that compels the Holy Spirit to begin His work in those He so deeply desires to rescue...






Loosen the grip of the Enemy today...




My brethren, the desire of my heart and my petition before God is on their behalf that they would have LIFE.  
-Romans 10:1

Wedding Photographers and their "Wack" prices

This photographers blog post is very enlightening and something every bride (heck, everyone in general) should be aware of! 

I've gotta a lot of love for my favorite photographer Stephanie Lyell (Stephanielyell.com) and in my opinion she charges way less than she should for the quality and dedication of her work. 

Sadly, I did not have her as my wedding photographer, but would have hired her in a heartbeat regardless of price if I knew her at the time of my wedding.

Read and learn something insightful today!


http://blog.nikkimaydayphotography.com/2012/01/26/why-wedding-photographers-prices-are-wack-erie-pa-wedding-photographer-response/ 

Why Wedding Photographers Prices are “Wack” | Erie PA Wedding Photographer Response

Posted on January 26, 2012 

Earlier today my friend and fellow photographer posted a link to a craigslist ad from a woman in Seattle looking for a wedding photographer.

The woman was upset because she thought that $3000 for a wedding photographer was “wack” because all we do “is hang out at a wedding taking tons of photos and editing them” and that we are “making so much money its crazy.”

I first read this post earlier today while I was running errands and my head almost EXPLODED.  I immediately started drafting a horribly mean and punishing response in my head, BUT by the time I got home, I realized that this is probably a common misconception and that maybe I should try to EXPLAIN why photographers charge what we / they do for our / their work.

Before I post my response, I want to THANK all of my brides who appreciate my work and think that I am worth the price. This response is not meant to offend anyone.  I understand many people are on a budget, especially in this economy and I understand planning a wedding is both expensive and overwhelming. I always try my best to work with my couples and offer customized and discounted packaging options for those who are on a tighter budget.

I just want to state AGAIN, that being a photographer doesn’t mean that we wake up in the morning, photograph a wedding for 8 hours and then go home and our job is done.  Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to support ourselves as full time photographers don’t just work as photographers.  We are also SMALL BUSINESS OWNERS, which ALSO comes with the job of doing all of our own marketing, sales, accounting, scouting, art directing, managing our offices and studios, being our own webmasters, doing our own post production, designing, blogging, being students, being mentors, researching etc. etc. etc.

Sorry for the novel! Here was my response:

Dear Bride,

I am a wedding photographer in the Erie, PA area.  Wedding season only
last about 4 months here, so I photograph an average of 20 weddings
per year for an average of $2500 / wedding.  (which totals about
$50,000 / year).

- That being said, I am a small business owner, so I pay all of my
taxes, totaling about $15,000 / year which leaves me with a gross
income of around $35,000

- Of that $35,000 I pay $600/month in rent for my small house and
garage which I converted into my studio (which is where I would be
editing your wedding images at) $35,000 – $7,200 = 27,800.
- Then I have my car, which I would use to get me to and from your
wedding, which I pay $400/month for the lease, Plus $200/month in car
insurance = $7,200 = $20,600.
- To get to your (and my other brides) wedding consultation,
second wedding pre-consultation, the wedding itself, and to and from
the printers I need gas money = $840/year = $19,760
- I also have insurance in case you sue me, or if any of your drunk
guests would happen to break any of my equipment = $500 / year.  =
$19,260
- You also probably found me through my website, which I pay $30/month
for hosting, and another $30/ month so that you can view your photos
online and share the images with your friends and family =  $720 =
$18,540
- Or perhaps you found me through my advertisements in the newspaper
or local bridal magazines, OR a bridal show that you attended that I
paid to have a booth at $18,540 – $1,000 = $17,540
- I also pay for my own Health insurance in case I were to get hurt at
your wedding = $250/month = $14,540
- and I pay for a second shooter for your wedding, so that you can
have more images and different angles, as to make sure you get the best
images possible at your wedding = $200/wedding = $10,540
- I also need to have a new pair of shoes every season because my
shoes get worn out and dirty from season to season = $100/year =
$10,440
- I need high speed internet so I can upload all of your images
online, my home phone for my business and my cell phone so I can
communicate with you = $2,500 / year = $7,940
- Oh yes, and I also pay a lawyer to make sure my contracts are iron
clad and an accountant to make sure that I am paying all of the taxes
I need… = $500/year = $7,440
- Sometimes I attend workshops and seminars to teach me how to
better my business, and make my client happier (that would be you), as
well as keep up on the trends and learn new techniques so that I can
make sure you have the best quality images available.

That would technically leave me with about $7,000 / year to feed
myself, buy groceries, pay for my heat and electricity, cloth myself
etc…. BUT, usually I end up re-investing whatever I have left on
upgrades and new equipment:

During your wedding, I bring my professional equipment that I use so
that I can make sure you have the highest quality images.

- I have 2 Canon 5D Mark II cameras (because you always need a backup
in case of a camera malfunction which would ruin your big days
photographs) which cost $2500 / camera = $5000
-I also have quality lenses which can capture your special moments in
low light situations:
Canon 24-70 f2.8 lens = $1,200
Canon 70-200 f2.8 lens = $1,300
Canon 50mm f1.4 lens = $500
Canon 100mm f2.8 macro = $600
Canon 10-22mm f3.5 wide angle = $800
- and I have speed lights to catch the fun moments at your reception:
- 2 Canon 580EX II = $1,200
- Also multiple battery back ups and memory cards, lens filters, light
stands, umbrellas, light boxes, external battery packs and a bag to
carry everything in.  = $1,500
- Because this is equipment, sometimes I need to have it serviced or
cleaned to make sure it is all working properly = $200

After spending 8-10 hours at your wedding, I then come home to my home
office and spend about 20-25 hours editing your images, creating your
album, blogging about your wedding, posting pictures on facebook,
ordering you prints and burning your DVD’s

- I edit your photographs using a 27inch imac computer = $2500
- I edit your photographs on Adobe Lightroom = $200 and Adobe CS5 =
$400 (for the upgrade) and $900 for the new program.
- and I print your DVD’s on a printer which = $300
- Using ink = $200/year
- and I buy the DVD’s and jewel cases your getting printed =$300 / year
-I archive all of your photographs on 2 2TB external hard drives = $500
- And I also back up all of my photographs online so if there was ever
a fire in my office, you would never lose your photographs = $400/year
- I also have office expenses as far as buying paper, staples,
envelopes, packaging, filing cabinets and files, etc. etc. etc.
- I also spend time and money ordering your prints and albums, paying
for shipping, going to the post office etc.

All of that being said, I’m usually in the hole at the end of the
year, and take on many family portraits, senior portraits and corporate
jobs in order to make ends meet.

Photography is my passion and my livlihood, and it is also EXPENSIVE.
Yes, it seems like a lot of money for one day, but one day isn’t all
we spend on your photographs or on our business.  You will spend
thousands of dollars on a wedding dress or flowers or a venue or on
catering which you are going to have for only ONE DAY, but your
photographs will be the only thing you have to remember that ONE DAY
for the rest of your lives.

I’m extremely insulted by your craigslist post and hope this sheds a
little light on why we charge $3000 for one day of your memories which
are going to last you forever.

-Nikki Wagner, Photographer.

Politics Schmolitics

2008 was the first time I was eligible to vote in a Presidential Election. It was so exciting to me! I actually voted via mail-in ballot because I was in Virginia at the time and couldn't physically vote in Florida. Regardless, I felt like such an adult and true American!

But....

At the time, I honestly didn't know much about the candidates, except that Obama was a Democrat and John McCain was Republican. My vote was honestly based on who my parents were voting for.

Lame, I know...

and that is why I'm writing this post. I have realized this time around that to vote is a HUGE privilege, and I should take it more seriously.

Who I voted for back then is irrelevant because this post is really is not to discuss politics. I don't even know who I'm voting for yet in the primaries...but I can say that I'm doing my research. It is somewhat daunting and overwhelming, so I can understand why a lot of people just kind of ignore politics altogether and/or don't vote at all...but I think that is doing a great disservice to yourself and your country.

If you really think about it, the FREEDOM and privilege to vote is such a blessing and gift to the American people and one that is not available to many many citizens of countries around this world. This is a freedom many people can only hope of having one day - and one that many people may never have in their lifetime.

This year, I am not going to take this freedom for granted, and I challenge you to do the same.

Do some research and make your vote count!

http://www.2012presidentialelectionnews.com/whos-running-for-president-in-2012/

Unreal, Disturbing, and Hilarious

Why mothers subject their daughters to things like this, I have no idea.

At least this contestant is extra special? Oh so special indeed.

*If you don't laugh at first...just give it a day. Then you'll remember parts of this video when you're driving to work, doing laundry, taking a shower, washing dishes...and you'll find yourself chuckling if not bursting out in laughter. Just trust me, Honey Boo boo child.


Alana, Age 6, Best Beauty Pageant Kid, Ever - Watch More Funny Videos

Mistakes

Today as I was walking home from work, I contemplated about an aspect of my personality. It's not that abnormal, but I absolutely hate it when I make a mistake. It doesn't matter if its a tiny little goof up or a big one, I always feel so bad and embarrassed internally when I do something wrong.

No, I didn't have strict, demanding parents growing up. In fact I have the most amazing parents in the world if I do say so myself. So it's not like my home life made me that way. I simply don't know why it bothers me so much when I make mistakes.

 If you're wondering...I made a mistake at work today. Most mistakes are easily fixable and this one was. However, A small part of me tends to carry around this feeling of "I can't believe I did that" "i feel like an idiot" etc. long after things are corrected. And I often have a hard time of just letting it go and forgetting about it.

I'm just trying to figure out at what point in my life did I begin caring so much about trying to never mess up. And when I do mess up, when did i start really worrying about what people might think of me? Is this just something that is ingrained in my DNA? I don't really know how long I've been this way. So strange I tell ya.
I haven't a clue.

This is not the first time I've realized this about myself. I think it's good that I at least recognize it, so I can grow from it. My husband has been really good with helping me gain perspective in situations like these, and I am so thankful for his wisdom and gentle love and patience towards me. I don't really know why I chose to write about this. It is kind of weird and personal, and I don't really have any spiritual lesson or words of wisdom to go along with this. Maybe because I just don't know exactly what I am to learn from this yet.

Cling to this promise today:


He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” 

Revelation 21: 4-5

Bah Humbug

So why is it that every Christmas we as Christians have to be reminded not to let Jesus get buried beneath all the shopping, parties, gift giving, eating, celebrating, etc. etc.?

Of course there is nothing wrong with those things...but why do we always need the reminding? Why don't we just "GET IT" for once. Don't you think by now we'd understand that it's all about that sweet little baby?

We give gifts to our loved ones, to our neighbors, to our co-workers, and heck sometimes to ourselves...but what do we give to Jesus on Christmas? 

It's all for him anyways right? I know it makes his heart smile when we show our love to one another through giving...but I just know there's something more that He desires...and I think you do too.

I know that the way we Americans do Christmas is very cultural and based on tradition...but it doesn't always have to be. I am honestly tempted to break some (or all) of those traditions so that I'll finally grasp that it's all for Emmanuel. 

You're right, how very Bah-Humbug of me...but that's the thing. It's only in the eyes of our society that I'll appear like the Grinch if I don't buy, buy, buy, and give, give, give. But you know what, stuff never satisfies anyone...no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves that it does. 

We've made Christmas all about ourselves (again...and again)...and I guess that's why we always need to be reminded of that little baby...

I guess I'm just ready to try something different...aren't you?

‘For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ “Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? ‘And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? ‘When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ “The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them,you did it to Me.’ 

Matt. 25:35-40

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world...

James 1:27

A White Christmas

We will be Florida (home sweet home) bound in about 24hrs!!!

And this beautiful piece of pure liquid wonderment is waiting for us:

A Florida White Christmas never gets old. ;-)

Everything

There are so many versions of this video online. This one I think is my favorite. It is so powerful and clearly depicts the love that Christ has for you. He is fighting ferociously for you every second of every day.

Paper Christmas Trees

So, my dear friend Stephanie Lyell (go check out her amazing photography at stephanielyell.com) and I did a little Pinterest Project last weekend. We made paper Christmas trees!

We bought different pieces of scrapbook paper, posterboard to make the cone base, and used regular Elmer's glue. (Hot glue works faster, but tends to burn! hehe)

We made a cone shape out of the posterboard by twisting it together and taping it at our desired shape/size. We then cut off the bottom so it would be level and stand straight. (However, mine still ended up being a little wonky.) You can buy those Styrofoam cones, but they cost a lot more.

We then cut little strips of the scrapbook paper and curled them on the end of a pen or pencil. Then start gluing them around the cone, starting at the base and working your way up. I did smaller strips, Stephanie did hers a bit bigger, but they both have personality and look great!!!

Here is the original post on Pinterest where we got the idea from: http://hiphiphoorayblog.com/2010/12/christmas-trees/

 

I only have one picture to post, but I think you get the idea. :-)

Fears with this Faith of mine

Often, I fear that if I declare truths of my faith in writing - whether that be on facebook, twitter, this blog, etc. then those who don't have the same worldview and faith that I do will just shut out anything I say, therefore shutting out any opportunity for them to know the Jesus that I know.

I am afraid at times that if I speak/write in Christianese, then only the Christians will be receptive, and not the people who actually need Christ.

I know this is completely selfish, but it is something I have struggled with from time to time here on social media. Some of you might not see that at all, but it really is something I've been battling over - as I have "befriended" people on social media that I know are not believers. Perhaps I'm not giving them enough credit of being tolerable to my beliefs. I mean, come on LA, isn't it better to put your faith out there then not saying anything at all? I guess I just know that the Christian faith is typically one of the first to be attacked or made fun of. Guess that shouldn't be a surprise to me though...

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.  If they persecuted me, they will persecute you.” John 15:18-20 NIV

“In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.”2 Timothy 3:12 NIV

I do believe that social media and the internet should not be ignored when it comes to being the light of Christ. It has become evident that I'm putting my fears and myself in the way of the gospel - I have underestimated the power and ability of the Holy Spirit to work in the lives who do not know the saving power of Christ - even on the internet.

I just need His wisdom and guidance in this small yet significant matter.

Thankful for the Pain?

The following words that I have written (which are actually mostly from Ann Voskamp...) contain truths that are hard for me to understand and obey, but I am slowly learning as I grow in Grace. I can only imagine how someone who isn't a Christ follower would feel about these words. Probably would just call me crazy that I love and follow a God who in their eyes "allows bad things to happen to good people", and write him off as a mean guy in the sky...or maybe just laugh at what they'd call a figment of my imagination. But that's okay...I'm secure in my faith and in the God of Grace. There is ALWAYS grace enough for those who don't yet believe. Hope is ever-waiting for them, never giving up on them....

Ok so here it is:  


I think all of us can agree that it is very hard to give thanks for the things that hurt in life. Why on God's green earth would we give thanks for pain? But as believers, we are called to give thanks in ALL things. 


Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

I Thessalonians 5:16-18 


(Say what?! It's God's will for me in Christ Jesus to give thanks for pain, hurt, disappointment, and the difficulties of this life? Really? How does that make any sense?)

Seems to me that if we are to give thanks in all things - even the hard, painful, hurt-filled things - then surely God truly has a purpose behind everything we perceive to be bad. His grace can be IS present in these things too, but sometimes it just takes time and a different perspective in order to see His goodness in them. 


Ann Voskamp writes:

"All God makes is good. Can it be that, that which seems to oppose the will of God actually is used of Him to accomplish the will of God? That which seems evil only seems so because of perspective,  the way the eyes see the shadows. Above the clouds, light never stops shining..."

"That which seems evil, is it a cloud to bring rain, to bring a greater good to the whole of the world? Who would ever know the greater graces of comfort and perseverance, mercy and forgiveness, patience and courage, if no shadows fell over a life?"


(From: One Thousand Gifts)


I'll be honest - I am afraid for the very hard and painful times that will come in my life, and acknowledging this command is very scary. Yes, I've endured a painful situation here and there in my 24 years of living, but I know that there is more LIFE yet to happen. And the older I get, the more aware I become of the realities of pain in this broken world.


However, I'm learning that we might not always understand reasons for pain on this side of eternity, but not understanding it in this lifetime is no reason to stop trusting in the God who cares...because He DOES care beyond understanding!!!! 


If we learn anything from hard times, I'd say let it be this (again from Ann Voskamp - can you tell I am enamored with her anointed writing?):

"Who deserves any grace?

Here dies another day
During which I have had eyes, ears, hands
And the great world round me;
And with tomorrow begins another.
Why am I allowed two...? -G. K. Chesterton 


"Why doesn't anyone ask that why question?..."

Why this unfathomable grace?

"When I realize that it is not God who is in my debt, but I who am in His great debt, then doesn't ALL become gift?" -AV



I don't know if this post really holds or conveys any complete thoughts...I have a hard time with staying focused - there's so much going on in this little heart of mine.

But I can say that I am beginning to see that if God's Word tells me to give thanks in all things...then maybe there is just something so AMAZING that is to be discovered in a life of full, continual Thanksgiving. 


And I want to find it.










*I highly recommend buying Ann Voskamp's book - One Thousand Gifts
It is blessing my life tremendously, and I know it will bless yours too.

Matt Berry Christmas song Entry

http://onedropofcrimson.tumblr.com/post/13141298496/this-is-the-original-contribution-that-my-husband

Colored Pencil Stop Motion

Alice Cooper - I am Made of You

While this may come as a shock to many...Alice Cooper's "I am made of you" has become one of my favorite songs. (Don't judge!) It is a clear declaration of redemption. I will not go into detail of how I have recently become a fan of Alice Cooper (Vincent Furnier)...but I must say that my respect for this man has grown the more I have learned about him. Yes, I know he's been around since the 70s'...and I am a little late.


I do like his music (I've had a growing love for rock ever since I've been with Kyle)...while seemingly evil, Alice actually always has a message to send - Satan is real, evil is real - don't mess with it. Satan wants people to find him as a joke or a myth...because that keeps people from knowing the truth about who he really is - the Father of Lies. He desires to keep a veil of darkness over the eyes of those who don't believe. If he can keep the truth of who he is away from humanity - then he keeps the Truth of Jesus Christ away from them too.

I love Alice's personal story of redemption. How God literally healed him from alcoholism back in the 80s (when he wasn't a Christian)...and also how he came to salvation in Jesus and entered into a personal relationship with Him in later years. Here are a couple of my favorite videos/interviews of him that kind of delve more into his story. I encourage you to watch/listen/read.





http://www.jesusjournal.com/content/view/79/85/



It wasn't until recent years that he has become more vocal about his Christian faith. I am thankful that he has. What an awesome platform Alice has in the music industry to be the light of Christ in a world that needs Him so desperately.

Some Christians tend to disagree with the fact that he is still in the music industry and still putting on the shows that he does...but as a Christian myself, I don't have a problem with it. While he may not be blatantly preaching salvation to his fans on stage - his life, who he is, reflects the transforming power and presence of God. I believe he can reach people that someone like me (or you) never could... Authenticity is pretty important in the Christian life...and that is what I see in him. Alice Cooper is just a character - not who Vincent Furnier really is.

I don't know if you will actually watch the videos and interviews about him that I've posted...but I think if anything you should read the lyrics to this song...and maybe listen to it on Spotify or Youtube.

I like it quite a bit.

Album: Welcome 2 My Nightmare
By: Alice Cooper

In the beginning
I was just a shadow
In the beginning
I was alone

In the beginning
I was blind
Living in a world devoid of light

In the beginning
There was only night.

I was shattered
Left in pieces
And I felt so cold inside
Then I called you from the darkness
Where I hide

I am made of you
I am made of you
I am made of you
I am made of you

In the beginning
you were revelation
A river of salvation
And now I believe

All I wanted
All I needed
Was someone to rescue me
I was drownin
I was dyin
Now I'm Free

I am made of you
I am made of you
I am made of you
I am made of you

Here I am now
I can stand now
Cause your love has made me strong
And forever
You're the singer
I'm the song

I am made of you
I am made of you
I am made of you
I am made of you

Orphan Care - Is there a better solution?

*Came across this article in a random magazine (Mission Frontiers) that came through the business office mail. I encourage you to read it as it is rather enlightening about a different approach in solving the issue of orphans in Africa (and around the world). 


Comunity-Based Orphan Care
Africa Models a New Approach to its Orphan Crisis

By: Steve Roa

How do you take care of 15 million orphans and children at risk? This is Africa's challenge, and it's not just a problem for governments, NGOs and Oprah Winfrey. Most of Africa's orphans are from Christian communities, confronting the global Church with one of the greatest humanitarian crises it has ever faced.

The traditional approach to this situation is to build tens of thousands of orphanages. Some are certainly trying to do this, among them many notable Hollywood celebrities. But the enormity of the challenge has forced others to rethink the traditional approach. The result may be something which is far superior to the institutional model, and which may actually help bring about change around the world in orphan ministry.

Seeking Cultural Appropriateness
In most African societies, institutional arrangements are the exception rather than the norm. Institutional care is a Western invention which we have created to replace traditional family care. This has resulted in a clash of values and understanding between good-willed Westerners and those we are seeking to assist in the developing world.

One of the ironies of much of the world's orphanages is that most of the children in them are not orphans. For example, recently a missionary came to visit us at the U.S. Center for World Mission and he was telling our staff of his new orphanage which was now caring for fifty children. We asked how many of these children were really orphans - children without parents. A little embarrassed, he replied, "Well, none." So why call it an orphanage we asked? His reply was as pragmatic as it was revealing, "Because if I don't, no one will give!"

What typically takes place in institutional models of orphan-care is that the quality of life is far superior to anything on the outside. When that happens, parents are sometimes tempted to give their children up to the orphanage so they may have a better economic chance in life. (Americans will not soon forget the missionaries who were arrested for trying to take "orphans" out of Haiti following the earthquake of 2010. Turns out the orphans had parents, and the missionaries were violating the law!) The problem with the institutional approach is that it gradually begins to isolate young people from their communities, creating a sub-culture with an inevitable identity crisis. Ironically, Americans have done away with orphanages in their own country because of the many problems they create. Yet we unquestionably continue to use this problematic model around the world!

Why might that be? One reason is because we intrinsically think our way of life is best and in order to export it we have to create institutions to do it. In this sense, orphanages are just as much cultural institutions as they are structural. For example, last year a group of Christians came on a short term mission trip to Northern Uganda and visited an orphan community. They were shocked that the only bathroom available to the orphans was a hole in the ground. So they promptly went to work to raise money for toilets. However, they were even more shocked to learn that the orphans wouldn't sit on the toilet seats after they were installed. Instead, they stood on them. The orphans explained that squatting is much more sanitary than sitting on a seat where everyone else has sat!

Now while this may seem like a small and comical incident, you have to multiply this by a thousand when you import a cultural institution like an orphanage to Africa. Fortunately, the magnitude of the AIDS orphan crisis has outpaced the ability of Westerners to build such institutions, and as a result a healthy partnership is emerging between orphan ministries and affected communities. The traditional way that Africans have cared for orphans is through the extended family network. So why not work with communities and empower them to take care of their own orphans? Such an approach has come to be known as "community-based care," and this model has successfully cared for many more orphans than the institutional model will ever be able to touch. Even so, a great deal more money continues to be sunk into the institutional approach, which requires land, buildings, and full time staff.

Another model which is gaining prominence in Africa is the "child head of household." In this model an older sibling, usually a teenager, takes care of his or her brothers and sisters, and keeps the family unit intact. Many NGOs are coming alongside this model and adding mentoring and support to bolster it. Why would orphan ministries want to work with this? Studies have shown that keeping siblings together dramatically reduces emotional distress, as opposed to diving up the children among relatives or institutionalizing them. Such a model can also serve to carry on the family name, as well as maintain family rights and land inheritance.

Africa vs. America
Last year I visited a self-organized association of widows in Uganda, which included around 450 members. At this particular gathering there were around 50 in attendance. During our Q&A time together I asked them the following question, "If you could have one wish come true, what would it be?" The first widow to respond said she wished for a house (a traditional African thatched roof and circular mud hut). Upon further inquiry I learned that no men were left in her family who possessed the capability to build her one. She said her greatest desire was to provide proper shelter for her orphaned grandchildren. Now this got me curious. What was she doing caring for orphans when she herself qualified for convalescent care had she been in America? She explained that because of  HIV/AIDS and the war, many widows have been left as the last remaining family member to care for the orphans. My curiosity peaked and I asked the group how many of them were caring for orphans. Most raised their hands. Then it dawned on me - by providing shelter security for the widow - you also shelter the orphan.

Another widow raised her hand so she could be recognized to share her one wish. She wished for vocational training assistance and/or micro-enterprise assistance in order to generate additional income. Imagine that! Here I was in the presence of these dear saints - the poorest of the poor in this community - and the primary thing on their minds was not a free hand-out, but rather a hand up. Their desire for vocational training was for the purpose of sending their orphan children to school, and for creating a self-sustaining family unit.

In this same community was the news that a very famous American evangelist was soon to erect an orphanage nearby. I visited the proposed site. It was huge, and knowing what I know about similar types of projects, this one was going to be lavish, sparing no expense. It would have all the amenities and comforts of a Western vacation resort, but exclusively for children. And this is the dilemma. What will this widow grandmother do - struggle to keep what remains of her family intact or release her grandchildren to an institution? Most likely, she will end up doing the latter, along with the others in the community. Unfortunately, at that moment, her grandchildren will be truly orphaned in every sense of the word - from their family, culture and community.

Some Friendly Advice
As more and more churches and individuals begin to get directly involved in orphan-care around the world, it will become increasingly important to learn from those who have gone before us. Seek out good counsel and do your homework. Don't be tempted by fame or adulation for saving the poor or the world - that is deception. Be willing to put your pride aside and consider the time-tested, proven methods of others. If you don't know where to begin, two ministries with a proven track-record are World Vision and the Firelight Foundation. No one organization has been caring for children at risk longer, or has invested more resources in Africa towards this cause, than World Vision. Additionally, no one organization is better recognized for their support of entrepreneurial community-based organizations (CBO) than Firelight Foundation. Of course, there are many other good organizations, but this is a good place to start. Initiate the conversation, read their material, consider partnering with them - and build on what you learn.

The Problem of Evil? The Greater Problem of Good?

My absolute favorite post of all time | The Problem of evil? The Greater Problem of Good?

By: Ann Voskamp

So after dinner, she picks coneflowers in the garden.

Cradles the long stems in her apron skirt, carries them up through the picket gate.

And she turns to me on the top step of the porch, holds her apron out to me, all those purple petals — art in an apron.

“Why is there all this loveliness?” She wants to know.

I almost tell her — The World is full of loveliness because it’s full of of His love.

Isn’t that the meaning of beauty?

The fundamental purpose of loveliness is to convey His love.

Everywhere, wildflowers, even in cracks in concrete sidewalks. Everywhere, this fragrance, this pursuit, this passion.

But I don’t know how to say that — when I know that coneflowers unfold off the porch and she stands there with an apron heavy with garden glory and the sunflowers nod yes, when 30,000 children have starved to death in the last 90 days in the Horn of Africa famine. That’s over 330 children every single day. Why is there all this loveliness?

Don’t you mean — why is there famine and why is there this shocking disparity and what is right in a world of diets and death by starvation?

But doesn’t she really have a right to question it all — the sunflowers sparking in sun flare, the light falling late through the trees, all gold like this, the phlox blooming along the picket? I see that too, on the porch. The extravagant art that makes up this world, it does jockey for an answer. The existence of loveliness everywhere, it begs explaining.

If I raise the problem of evil in this world — shouldn’t she raise higher the greater problem of good? If evil is seeming evidence to eradicate God from our mental landscape, then doesn’t goodness, even in this apron, testify to the gospel truth of God?

How can we behold loveliness and say that this world looks like it would if there were no God?

I don’t know if I have ever thought of this before — the great problem of good on this planet.

Augustine had asked two questions of the world:

“If there is no God, why is there so much good?

If there is a God, why is there so much evil?”

I wonder if I have spent a lifetime murmuring under my breath only the second question?

But why don’t I first get hung up on the first question? The one my girl is bringing in with the flowers — why all this loveliness and where does it come from?

The great problem of good on this planet implies that there is a Great God in heaven.

Do we not wonder at the why of good because fundamentally all human beings presume the overspilling grace of God? That good is our intended atmosphere — and evil is the exception. Isn’t our default to ignore the expected and focus on the unexpected?

And even our deeming anything good or evil, it betrays our deep-seated beliefs —- because how can mere nature be either? Isn’t it just is? To even assess events as good and evil reveals our true paradigm: we believe there is a moral center at the center of the cosmos, God at the axis of the universe.

But if there is really a God at the center of the universe, love at the core of the cosmos, love manifesting itself as loveliness in the garden —- doesn’t He care about the 330 children with names and dreams and who lay in Somalia with flies buzzing around their listless, wasting away limbs, till they breathe their last starving breath sometime this afternoon?

Yet if I think God doesn’t care about the hurting — aren’t I believing the chief lie of humanity?

The one hissed in the garden to Eve, the first deception that deceives us still — that God doesn’t care about the needs of His children. And maybe this is why the world hemorrhages— if we think God doesn’t care — why should we?

Isn’t it easier to blame Him?

When I believe the Edenic lie that God doesn’t care — is that the excuse to turn away, to spread the lie that God doesn’t care — when maybe the truth is that it’s humanity that doesn’t care?

If we love because He first loved us… do we now care, because we know He did first care, has always cared, will always care and has the nail scars to definitively prove it. If all the world believed the truth of God’s character — that God cares —- wouldn’t this world become a caring place?

He cares, so we care; He loved first, so we love now.

Why all this loveliness?

Do I tell her this — that there is enough loveliness, enough beauty, enough love in this world — enough food in this world —- if we would just share?

That the problem of evil in the world isn’t a problem for proof of God —- but a problem of our own turned-in hearts? And when we turn our heart outward — we in turn bear testimony to the loving existence of God, of the body of Christ right here…

I pick one coneflower out her apron, twirl it between fingers.

Do I tell her that all this loveliness does this too: All this good makes me grateful, and my own heart needs this — a filling of His great-fullness.

Gratefulness is always to Someone and when I am grateful, isn’t it always evidence of God — a filling with awe of His great-ness.

For all this world’s sureness of the benefit of gratitude, how can we then deny that there is a Benefactor?

There is never nameless gratitude, but every instance of gratitude gives away what every skeptic really believes: every breath is a gift and if life is a gift, there is a Giver, and if there’s a Giver —- all’s grace.

When all’s grace — we give, because a gift never stops being a gift to be given…

“It’s God, isn’t it? — All this loveliness…” She says it to me smiling, picking out one of the coneflower to inhale deep…. her picking up the scent of God.

She didn’t need me to say anything.

There are things that need no words.

His love clearly manifest in the everywhere problem of good.

In every cone-flower curling itself into a megaphone of mercy.

This one long echo of evidence —

A loveliness lingering….