The lostness and brokenness of this world is too much for me to handle some days...
While this is quite a dark and heavy burden to have, it's in moments like this that I have recently been reminded of the very heart of my Heavenly Father.
Take a look inside His heart...
“Do you think that I like to see wicked people die? says the Sovereign Lord. Of course not! I want them to turn from their wicked ways and live!" Ezekiel 18:23
I want so much for the lost to find their way Home. I have been struggling with this lately - the thought that people are going to hell every single day, and I can't save them. Just imagine how Jesus must feel...He DID save them...but they can and will never know His salvation unless they repent and believe on Him.
Satan easily tricks me into believing that there is no hope. It's so easy to be overwhelmed at the reality that, yes, many many many people are going to hell. You figure the battle is just too great to be won. Even if a handful are saved, there are still plenty more who never will be. Once Satan got me to that point, I allowed myself to be defeated...for what could little Leigh Anna do? And I began to ask and question, "Why does it have to be so unfair, God?" I mean, do you really hear and answer my prayers to save the lost? It really seems impossible for someone who doesn't know a thing about You, or who really doesn't give a rat's tail about any of Your Truth, to truly come to repentance and receive salvation..."
These are all very real feelings and thoughts that had echoed in my heart and mind recently. I questioned God and His ability to answer my prayers. I questioned why God seemed to be unfair. I felt completely hopeless. But in my hopelessness, I began to draw near to the Lord. And He began to speak truth into my life.
"You know, Leigh Anna...I don't like it either. I hate the fact that many will never know me; that many will never know or experience the deep, unconditional love I have for them. This brokenness that you are feeling is what I feel. But child, your prayers for the lost do not go unheard. Your prayers asking that I work in their lives have not been abandoned. Listen... "Behold, the LORD's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear" (Isaiah 59:1).
"I hear you...and your requests bring joy to my heart. Do not fall to the hopelessness that Satan is feeding you. There is always hope in Me. Persevere through the doubt and just continually trust in me."
Listen to my Truth! "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective!"
Elijah was a man just like [you]... He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again, he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops." -James 5:16-17
Once I heard that from the Lord, a spirit of unrelenting perseverance took hold of me, and I finally began to pray with belief in a God who IS mighty to save. Instead of analyzing the "how", "when" and "what". Instead of trying to figure God out, trying to figure out what he was going to do...I just decided to pray, and wait, and listen, and pray some more. And to be honest, I'm not stopping.
God led me to the book of Habakkuk. He was one of the minor prophets in the Bible. In this book He is questioning God about the injustice of His people, Israel. He is wondering why God is not taking action on their behalf. Believe it or not, Wikipedia explains that, "The major theme of Habakkuk is trying to grow from a faith of perplexity and doubt to the height of absolute trust in God." Sounds a lot like me, huh?
I love what Chapter 2 reads:
Habakkuk states:
1 I will stand at my watch
and station myself on the ramparts;
I will look to see what he will say to me,
and what answer I am to give to this complaint.
2 Then the LORD replied: “Write down the revelation
and make it plain on tablets
so that a herald may run with it.
3 For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come
and will not delay...
I discovered so much hope in that passage. Habakkuk didn't understand what God was doing...frankly he felt that God had completely forgotten about them and that his cries to God were unheard. (Read chapter 1...)
But God did respond with the promise that the His answer to Habakkuk's prayer would certainly come...even if seemed to linger.
I am determined to be like Habakkuk, standing my ground and remaining watchful unto the Lord, as I continue to pray for the lives of people who don't know Him, but need Him desperately. I may never see the outcome of my prayers in this lifetime, but I now know that they are not in vain...there is hope in finally knowing that truth.
As I look back, all of this growing and stretching of my faith began with a tiny burden in my heart for a complete stranger. But that tiny burden began to feel heavier each day...I struggled with the thought of praying for the salvation of someone I didn't even know. I thought that I should be spending more time praying for my "loved ones." While of course this is obvious and true, the Lord gave me peace as He revealed this truth to me:
"I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them. 2 Pray this way for kings and all who are in authority so that we can live peaceful and quiet lives marked by godliness and dignity. 3 This is good and pleases God our Savior, 4 who wants everyone to be saved and to understand the truth. 5 For there is only one God and one Mediator who can reconcile God and humanity—the man Christ Jesus. 6 He gave his life to purchase freedom for everyone. This is the message God gave to the world at just the right time." I Timothy 2:1-6
I realized that my burden for that complete stranger was supposed to be there...I believe God placed that burden on my heart...and so I have been praying for him ever since. That burden has allowed me to grow in a way I never imagined...and I am so thankful. And just think, this person has no idea he is being covered in prayer...but someday he just might! I believe and continue to hope for that someday!
I know that this is all a bit personal...and perhaps it was too much to share since it concerns the intimate places of my heart and walk with Jesus. But my intent is not to boast...but to praise and thank my loving Father who has taught me so much about prayer, believing in Him and His power to work mighty wonders. My trust in Him has deepened...and I am so thankful and excited to see what else He desires to show me in this journey.
Note that I do understand that praying for the lost does not excuse me from sharing the gift of Redemption with the lost...naturally I have realized that if I am going to pray for the lost, I had better be willing to open my mouth with the Truth of the Gospel when the opportunity lends itself... Jesus is helping me with this one too...:-)
"If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” -Romans 10:9-15
"Everything sad is going to come untrue and it will somehow be greater for having once been broken and lost."- Tim Keller
"Do not let the enormity of the issue evaporate your empathy towards it."
"I would rather fail in a cause that will ultimately triumph than to triumph in a cause that will ultimately fail." - Woodrow Wilson
"Nobody makes a greater mistake than he who does nothing because he could only do a little." - Edmund Burke
