Thoughts in Captivity

Do you ever experience personal battles that you just can't seem to conquer? Do you feel like you ask God to help you overcome the struggle, the pain, the frustration, or whatever it may be, and you still find yourself at square one? I've been here for quite some time, but I've finally been able to see that perhaps it's not God who isn't helping me conquer it, but rather it is myself and my actions that are hindering the victory...

I've written a few blog entries that reveal I have been fighting a personal battle in the past several months. I haven't disclosed too much information about it, because it is personal after all. But to vaguely sum it up, it was just about two years ago that my heart was deeply hurt by two people in particular. My battle has been a plethora of things: the struggle to let the past go and instead dwelling on it, the struggle to truly forgive and forget, the struggle of being prideful and spiteful, the struggle of not wanting to accept what happened and being ok with it, the struggle of holding onto this past offense with the false and impossible hope of changing the outcome.

This whole ordeal has certainly been a process for me...a process that has revealed the ugly parts of my heart...as well as a process that is teaching me and shaping me to be a more beautiful reflection of my sweet Jesus.

God has used this situation to teach me how to be content and confident with the way I look, the way I'm made. Through it he has revealed to me that I desire too much control over my circumstances in life, and I need to learn to trust in His sovereignty a lot more than I ever have. He has revealed to me that we are all broken people who hurt one another, but there is enough of His grace to cover the wrongs we do towards one another...that meaning, I need to personally extend the beautiful gift of His grace towards these people who wronged me - and those who will wrong me in the future. He has shown me that he allows painful situations to happen to us so that we can learn to depend on His goodness, His love, His mercy, His deep compassion for us, His good plan, and His strength. Even though I do not like one bit of what happened in all of this, I am so thankful of where it has brought me. It took this painful experience to make me a better woman of faith, a better wife, a better friend. Sometimes I wish some of these painful things hadn't happened, but I'm starting to understand and believe that God allowed those things to happen so that the others involved in this situation could also be transformed. God really does take the stupid mistakes we make and turn them into learning opportunities. I guess the choice is ultimately ours to actually learn from the pain.

I feel like I have slowly but surely been learning from the pain. It is my prayer (and has been for quite some time) that I will finally be able to free ALL of this into the hands of my loving Father. I have been choosing to fight this battle...but it's already been conquered in the strength of Jesus. I think I am just now realizing that I must choose to take the victory that already has taken place because of Christ. I know that God would have been pleased if I had simply trusted in His goodness and His Word in the first place, and walked away at the start from this painful situation without a word or question. I would have not traveled this long road of personal pain if I had just accepted his grace, trusted His Word and His perfect plan to begin with.

But I have seen the beauty of his grace in my stubbornness to hold onto this battle, that I didn't have to fight. He has been with me through it all. He has heard every prayer - even the childish, immature ones. He has held me in the pain. But most importantly, he has guided my hand and heart through lessons that I desperately needed to learn.

Today, as I was writing in my journal about this situation, the Lord revealed to me something I need to practice (and obviously haven't been throughout all of this). He put two verses in my head.

The first verse he gave me was Philippians 4:8 - "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

This is a command! And a command I have not been following...

The second verse he gave me was this:

2 Corinthians 10:5

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and WE TAKE CAPTIVE EVERY thought to make is OBEDIENT to Christ."


I recently have been wondering why I still allow myself to think about the painful happenings of the past. I have been wondering why it has been so hard to finally let this all go and not think about it anymore. And through this verse, the Lord revealed to me that I have not been taking my thoughts captive. I have not been giving them to the Lord and putting them under His control. Any time I have had a memory about the hurtful reality of what happened, I have been dwelling on it and allowing it to explode. I allow a thought of something that happened two years ago to feel very current and fresh, as if it happened yesterday. I came across this beautiful explanation as I was doing some research about this certain passage.

"...we are to take our very thoughts captive. What happens to one in captivity? In the case of a caged bird, for example, the bird may no longer fly freely in the air; it may no longer alight in the trees; it no longer has the freedom to do as it wills. Hence, to take one's thoughts captive is not to allow them the freedom to wander where they wish to go. Taking them captive shuts down all thoughts that are not thoughts that God would wish us to have."

And what is really neat, is that the author of this statement writes,

"As people are still in the flesh, it is very difficult to accomplish this task 100%. We should strive to do so, and when we fail, we may claim the Blood of Jesus to cover our sins."

And he continues..."I have found a sure-fire way of taking such thoughts captive. Paul tells us how in Philippians 4:8-9... "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.""


How beautiful! These two verses that God gave to me prior to even coming across this person's website, go hand in hand! The Lord has revealed to me that whenever I get a thought about the painful past, I need to hand it over to Him. I need to take it captive and not give it room to explode into more memories of the past. I need to put it immediately in His care. But that is not the end of it, I need to then replace the thought that I have given to the Lord, with a thought that is characteristic of what is outlined in Philippians 8. True thoughts, honest thoughts, just and right thoughts, pure thoughts, lovely thoughts. Virtuous thoughts, praiseworthy thoughts! And as a result not only with God's peace be with me...but the actual person and presence of the GOD OF PEACE will be with me.

I am so thankful for how the Lord works...and even as I have been writing this entry he has reminded me of his faithfulness and love for me. Praise be you to Jesus who takes a mess and makes it a masterpiece.


Lord, I realize now that I'm thankful for this process you've allowed me to go through...while I think this particular process may soon be coming to a close, I look forward to how you still want to teach me. Help me to take every thought captive, and not just the thoughts that have to do with this particular experience. Thank you for this sweet victory in you! You are worthy to be praised!



I love you!




http://www.bibleword.org/captive.shtml